11. Man. There are so many.
I once scratched my cornea with a hang tag whilst trying on glasses. I had an eyepatch for literal months. I straight razored the shit out of it. I couldn’t be in any kind of light for weeks without dying.
I slapped myself in the face with a flat bar, causing me to fall off a tall ladder onto my back while trying to pry the facing off a window.
I went swimming in a creek and got a gnarly infection in my right nipple, causing it to swell to the size of a fucking tennis ball. And one day it exploded and I was never the same. My friends called me D-cup and Uniboob.
I dropped my script in theater class and opened my head on the corner of the big metal box that holds all the switches for the stage lights and knocked myself the fuck out and had to have my noggin stitched.
I cracked a rib falling on the butt of a paint ball gun because I crouched hiding too long and when I went to run my legs were asleep.
I scratched the same cornea retrieving a ball from under a bush. A branch poked me in the eye and I had to wear another eyepatch for weeks and when it healed my vision was worse than before.
I gave myself a weird condition called mushroom lung which basically feels like temporary asthma. I was growing mushrooms in a tiny room for months that had no ventilation. It’s also where I worked remotely. I had mushroom spores growing on the inside of my lungs. It’s like someone shot silly string everywhere inside of them. I had to use an inhaler for months while I coughed it all up.
