29. I saw a sign that said “Watch for children,” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

30. They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

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31. My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

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32. Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

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